Love and Marriage, love and
marriage, they go together like a horse and carriage“. Who
doesn’t recognize that catchy tune made legendary by Frank
Sinatra? For some, this song might arouse images of happy couples
strolling together in the park, the birds serenading them in
celebration of their love. Or perhaps for you the tune conjures up
memories of the nineties‘ “Married…with
Children” sitcom version of the song, and the humorous yet
dysfunctional couple, Peg and Al Bundy.
For better or worse, the
dead-pan dynamics between Al and Peggy struck a chord with its
audience. Could it have been that their comical inability to connect
with each other was a haunting reflection of the loneliness suffered by
many in their own marriage? Love is sadly not in the picture for
countless couples who have passed the initial
“infatuation“ stage of their relationship.
It’s more likely that the bliss of romance has withered away
to the tune of work deadlines, kids’ schedules, and financial
strains.
So what can be done if your
marriage has lost the love? Give up, pursue a divorce, or perhaps
worse, resign yourself to a love-less marriage for the rest of your
days? Sure, you could do either, but I’m guessing that you
are asking yourself, have I tried everything there is to be done yet?
There are, in fact, SPECIFIC
THINGS YOU CAN DO (with or without your spouse) to make things right in
your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as
gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet
and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in
your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause
and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable—you can “make” love.
You want a better marriage, right? Good—you know WHAT you
want. The only question left is HOW. HOW will you improve your
marriage? Let's be clear about one thing first. It has to be an ACTION.
Contrary to popular opinion, love is NOT a feeling. It's a
verb—the result of ACTIONS YOU CHOOSE every day. Okay, but
what action? Within the next twenty-four hours, I suggest you try a
Talk Charge and a Touch Charge. These are two out of the twenty
positive relationship habits that are part of the Marriage Fitness
system for relationship renewal. They're discussed in detail in Chapter
Four of Marriage Fitness and in week two of the Marriage Fitness
Tele-Boot Camp™, but in short, here's the story. A Talk
Charge is a sixty second positive, LOVING, verbal interaction with your
spouse about a NON LOGISTICAL matter. It's a fun or frivolous chat. A
Touch Charge is similar, but it uses touch instead of talk. A Touch
Charge is a LOVING physical gesture with your spouse. It's not foreplay
or an advance for love making; it's just a warm touch for the sake of
connecting in that moment.
Here are ten examples of how to create love in your marriage through
TALK AND TOUCH:
1. Express confidence in one of your spouse's decisions
2. Share dessert with one fork
3. What was “your song” when you were dating? Call
your spouse and sing it to them.
4. Surprise visit your spouse at their office or home and give them a
kiss… and then leave.
5. Play footsie next time you sit together
6. Learn a new joke today and share it with your spouse
7. Ask how your spouse's day went… and really listen
8. Kiss your spouse upon waking
9. Kiss your spouse before sleeping
10. Caress your spouse's hand
These are just a few of many
ways to create positive, loving connections with your spouse using TALK
and TOUCH. I discuss forty more examples and other highly effective
methods of connecting in the Marriage Fitness system. Remember,
successful spouses do SMALL THINGS in great ways for a long time. Do
you want REAL change and LASTING love in your marriage? Then establish
the RIGHT HABITS and do them CONSISTENTLY. Talk and touch everyday.
Fill your marriage with a few of those moments each day and your
relationship will be changed forever. Chances are, if you incorporate
the above steps, and those outlined in the Marriage Fitness program,
some day soon your version of “Love and Marriage“
will be a happy one.
If you'd like to learn more
tips about how to have a better marriage , then sign up in the box to
the right and I'll send you FREE advice and a FREE marriage assessment.
No strings attached.
After
the free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain further about
an alternative to marriage counseling.
.
I've
been where you're at and I have answers for you. I'll explain more in a
moment. Do the free sign-up and I'll see you on the next web page.
Warm regards,
Mort
Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage
Coach
Marriage
Fitness with Mort Fertel
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