Love and
Marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a horse and
carriage“. Who doesn’t recognize that catchy tune made legendary
by Frank Sinatra? For some, this song might arouse images of happy
couples strolling together in the park, the birds serenading them
in celebration of their love. Or perhaps for you the tune conjures
up memories of the nineties‘ “Married…with Children” sitcom version
of the song, and the humorous yet dysfunctional couple, Peg and
Al Bundy.
For better
or worse, the dead-pan dynamics between Al and Peggy struck a
chord with its audience. Could it have been that their comical
inability to connect with each other was a haunting reflection
of the loneliness suffered by many in their own marriage? Love
is sadly not in the picture for countless couples who have passed
the initial “infatuation“ stage of their relationship. It’s more
likely that the bliss of romance has withered away to the tune
of work deadlines, kids’ schedules, and financial strains.
So what
can be done if your marriage has lost the love? Give up, pursue
a divorce, or perhaps worse, resign yourself to a love-less marriage
for the rest of your days? Sure, you could do either, but I’m
guessing that you are asking yourself, have I tried everything
there is to be done yet?
There
are, in fact, SPECIFIC THINGS YOU CAN DO (with or without your
spouse) to make things right in your marriage. Just as there are
physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also
laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program
makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you
can “make” love.
You want
a better marriage, right? Good—you know WHAT you want. The only
question left is HOW. HOW will you improve your marriage? Let's
be clear about one thing first. It has to be an ACTION. Contrary
to popular opinion, love is NOT a feeling. It's a verb—the result
of ACTIONS YOU CHOOSE every day. Okay, but what action? Within
the next twenty-four hours, I suggest you try a Talk Charge and
a Touch Charge. These are two out of the twenty positive relationship
habits that are part of the Marriage Fitness system for relationship
renewal. They're discussed in detail in Chapter Four of Marriage
Fitness and in week two of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp™,
but in short, here's the story. A Talk Charge is a sixty second
positive, LOVING, verbal interaction with your spouse about a
NON LOGISTICAL matter. It's a fun or frivolous chat. A Touch Charge
is similar, but it uses touch instead of talk. A Touch Charge
is a LOVING physical gesture with your spouse. It's not foreplay
or an advance for love making; it's just a warm touch for the
sake of connecting in that moment.
Here are ten examples of how to create love in your marriage through
TALK AND TOUCH:
1. Express confidence in one of your spouse's decisions
2. Share dessert with one fork
3. What was “your song” when you were dating? Call your spouse
and sing it to them.
4. Surprise visit your spouse at their office or home and give
them a kiss… and then leave.
5. Play footsie next time you sit together
6. Learn a new joke today and share it with your spouse
7. Ask how your spouse's day went… and really listen
8. Kiss your spouse upon waking
9. Kiss your spouse before sleeping
10. Caress your spouse's hand
These
are just a few of many ways to create positive, loving connections
with your spouse using TALK and TOUCH. I discuss forty more examples
and other highly effective methods of connecting in the Marriage
Fitness system. Remember, successful spouses do SMALL THINGS in
great ways for a long time. Do you want REAL change and LASTING
love in your marriage? Then establish the RIGHT HABITS and do
them CONSISTENTLY. Talk and touch everyday. Fill your marriage
with a few of those moments each day and your relationship will
be changed forever. Chances are, if you incorporate the above
steps, and those outlined in the Marriage Fitness program, some
day soon your version of “Love and Marriage“ will be a happy one.
If
you'd like to learn more tips about how to have a better marriage
, then sign up in the box to the right and I'll send you FREE
advice and a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached.
After the
free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain further
about an alternative to marriage counseling.
.
I've been
where you're at and I have answers for you. I'll explain more
in a moment. Do the free sign-up and I'll see you on the next
web page.
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of
Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach
Marriage
Fitness with Mort Fertel
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