Searching
for advice on how to improve your marriage? Maybe you just started
looking for answers, or perhaps you’ve been trying to fix your
relationship for a while.
Hi. I'm
Mort Fertel, creator of Marriage Fitness, a system for marriage
renewal.
I've been
where you're at and I have answers for you. Before I share with
you a secret to marriage success (below), I want to offer you
FREE help and a FREE marriage assessment. No strings attached.
All you
have to do is sign-up in the box to the right and I'll email you
both.
After your free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain
further how I can help you fix your marriage.
Now some
marriage advice for you.
Take a close
look at how you approach your relationship problems. Then ask
yourself this question: are you a hedgehog or a fox? Bet you never
thought about it. But it's an important question to answer if
you want to renew your marriage. Keep reading, I'll explain why
and I'll help you figure out which you are.
In his
essay “The Hedgehog and the Fox,” based on an ancient Greek parable,
Isaiah Berlin describes how different people approach problems.
Some people are like foxes; they know many things. Other people
are like hedgehogs; they know one big thing.
A fox is
a clever animal able to devise many tactics for attacking the
hedgehog. Everyday the fox looks like he has another brilliant
strategy to finally win his prey.
The hedgehog,
on the other hand, is a slow boring creature whose defense is
the same no matter how the fox attacks. Everyday the fox thinks,
“Aha, now I've got you.” But everyday, no matter what approach
the fox takes, no matter where he strikes from, no matter what
time of day it is, as soon as the hedgehog senses danger he thinks,
“Here we go again,” and he rolls up into a little ball, extends
his sharp spikes, and spoils the fox's best laid plans.
Berlin
explained that some people (foxes) see the world in all its complexity.
Their approach constantly changes depending on the circumstances,
but they never develop a unified vision. They tend to consider
all angles of the problem and use multiple sources of advice to
find solutions.
Other people
(hedgehogs), on the other hand, simplify the complexity of the
world into one principle—one basic idea that determines their
every move.
Now
don't misunderstand. Hedgehogs are not simpleminded. On the contrary,
their understanding of the world is so profound that they're able
to identify the most fundamental elements. You know, simple but
not simplistic. Can you get any more basic than E = mc squared?
Can you get any more brilliant?
Insightful
right? But what in the world does this have to do with your marriage?
Everything!
Everyone
has problems, issues, and challenges in their marriage. Yours
may even be severe enough to warrant professional advice.
You might
think that for each new problem, you will need a new solution.
But you don't! The trick is to think like a hedgehog, NOT like
a fox. You remember how for a hedgehog, THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS
THE SAME. Well, the same goes for your marriage.
The ultimate
answer to every problem is the same—love. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION
OF YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of
it. Got a problem? You don't need a solution. You need more love.
LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!
Some
radio and television shows are hosted by relationship experts
who have guests or allow people to call-in to share their problems.
It's fascinating the myriad of problems that couples face. What's
equally fascinating is the host's ability to find unique solutions
for all the different problems.
It
makes for an interesting show, but it's just not that complicated.
The ultimate answer to every problem is the same—love. LOVE IS
THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem
from a lack of it. Got a problem? You don't need a solution. You
need more love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!
Sound
hokey? Think about it though. Remember when you fell in love?
What problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you
had love!
You
know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or
the corner of their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was
so cute? Then one day it became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse
used to be thrifty and now your spouse is cheap. WHAT CHANGED?
Your love changed—that's what changed! And the solution to that
annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to rebuild your love.
The
problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes
the counselor) sees the problem. If you see your problems as the
problem; that's your problem.
When
people come to me for marriage coaching or when they register
for the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, their first inclination
is to ask me for a solution to their marriage problems. My solution
is for them to institute a series of positive relationship habits
that slowly but surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.
Fixing
problems and developing communication skills can lead to small
incremental changes in your marriage. But if you want to transform
your marriage, if you want to make a quantum change, you have
to implement a pattern of new relationship habits. You have to
create love.
People
get all bogged down in the negativity of trying to solve their
problems. It's no fun and it's not productive. The crucial question
when you're getting marriage advice is NOT how
to solve your problems; it's how to create love.
Your
problems probably seem complex. But the good news is that the
solutions are simple. Be a hedgehog. Focus on building your love.
That will solve ALL your problems.
I
have more FREE advice for you and a FREE marriage assessment.
No strings attached.
Sign-up
in the box to the right and I'll email you both.
After the
free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain further
how I can help you fix your marriage.
I've been
where you're at and I have answers for you. I'll explain more
in a moment. Do the free sign-up and I'll see you on the next
web page.
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of
Marriage Fitness
Marriage
Coach
Marriage
Fitness with Mort Fertel
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