Searching
for advice on how to improve your marriage? Maybe you just started
looking for answers, or perhaps you’ve been trying to fix
your relationship for a while.
Hi. I'm Mort Fertel, creator
of Marriage Fitness, a system for marriage renewal.
I've been where you're at and
I have answers for you. Before I share with you a secret to marriage
success (below), I want to offer you FREE help and a FREE marriage
assessment. No strings attached.
All you have to do is sign-up
in the box to the right and I'll email you both.
After your free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain
further how I can help you fix your marriage.
Now some marriage
advice for you.
Take a close look at how you
approach your relationship problems. Then ask yourself this question:
are you a hedgehog or a fox? Bet you never thought about it. But it's
an important question to answer if you want to renew your marriage.
Keep reading, I'll explain why and I'll help you figure out which you
are.
In his essay “The
Hedgehog and the Fox,” based on an ancient Greek parable,
Isaiah Berlin describes how different people approach problems. Some
people are like foxes; they know many things. Other people are like
hedgehogs; they know one big thing.
A fox is a clever animal able
to devise many tactics for attacking the hedgehog. Everyday the fox
looks like he has another brilliant strategy to finally win his prey.
The hedgehog, on the other
hand, is a slow boring creature whose defense is the same no matter how
the fox attacks. Everyday the fox thinks, “Aha, now I've got
you.” But everyday, no matter what approach the fox takes, no
matter where he strikes from, no matter what time of day it is, as soon
as the hedgehog senses danger he thinks, “Here we go
again,” and he rolls up into a little ball, extends his sharp
spikes, and spoils the fox's best laid plans.
Berlin explained that some
people (foxes) see the world in all its complexity. Their approach
constantly changes depending on the circumstances, but they never
develop a unified vision. They tend to consider all angles of the
problem and use multiple sources of advice to find solutions.
Other people (hedgehogs), on
the other hand, simplify the complexity of the world into one
principle—one basic idea that determines their every move.
Now don't misunderstand. Hedgehogs are not
simpleminded. On the contrary, their understanding of the world is so
profound that they're able to identify the most fundamental elements.
You know, simple but not simplistic. Can you get any more basic than E
= mc squared? Can you get any more brilliant?
Insightful right? But what in
the world does this have to do with your marriage? Everything!
Everyone has problems, issues,
and challenges in their marriage. Yours may even be severe enough to
warrant professional advice.
You might think that for each
new problem, you will need a new solution. But you don't! The trick is
to think like a hedgehog, NOT like a fox. You remember how for a
hedgehog, THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS THE SAME. Well, the same goes for your
marriage.
The ultimate answer to every
problem is the same—love. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR
MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of it. Got a
problem? You don't need a solution. You need more love. LOVE IS YOUR
SOLUTION!
Some radio and
television shows are hosted by relationship experts who have guests or
allow people to call-in to share their problems. It's fascinating the
myriad of problems that couples face. What's equally fascinating is the
host's ability to find unique solutions for all the different problems.
It
makes for an interesting show, but it's just not that complicated. The
ultimate answer to every problem is the same—love. LOVE IS
THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a
lack of it. Got a problem? You don't need a solution. You need more
love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!
Sound
hokey? Think about it though. Remember when you fell in love? What
problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you had love!
You
know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or the
corner of their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was so cute?
Then one day it became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse used to be
thrifty and now your spouse is cheap. WHAT CHANGED? Your love
changed—that's what changed! And the solution to that
annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to rebuild your love.
The
problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes the
counselor) sees the problem. If you see your problems as the problem;
that's your problem.
When
people come to me for marriage coaching or when they register for the
Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, their first inclination is to ask me
for a solution to their marriage problems. My solution is for them to
institute a series of positive relationship habits that slowly but
surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.
Fixing
problems and developing communication skills can lead to small
incremental changes in your marriage. But if you want to transform your
marriage, if you want to make a quantum change, you have to implement a
pattern of new relationship habits. You have to create love.
People
get all bogged down in the negativity of trying to solve their
problems. It's no fun and it's not productive. The crucial question
when you're getting marriage advice is
NOT how to solve your problems; it's how to create love.
Your problems
probably seem complex. But the good news is that the solutions are
simple. Be a hedgehog. Focus on building your love. That will solve ALL
your problems.
I have more FREE advice for you and a FREE
marriage assessment. No strings attached.
Sign-up in the box to the
right and I'll email you both.
After the free sign-up, you'll
go to a web page that'll explain further how I can help you fix your
marriage.
I've been where you're at and
I have answers for you. I'll explain more in a moment. Do the free
sign-up and I'll see you on the next web page.
Warm regards,
Mort
Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage
Coach
Marriage
Fitness with Mort Fertel
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