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Hi. I'm Mort Fertel, creator of Marriage Fitness.
I've been where you're at and I have answers for you.
Before I share with you an important marriage renewal tip (below), I
want to offer you FREE help and a FREE marriage assessment. No strings
attached.
All you
have to do is sign-up in the box to the right and I'll email you
both.
After your free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain
further about an alternative to marriage counseling.
Now here's
some free advice for you.
You may
have recently concluded that professional marriage help is in
the best interests of you and you spouse. Perhaps you are considering
marriage counseling or the latest marital enrichment
techniques. If this is the case your spouse is likely in agreement
that something be done to improve your marital situation. However,
in your quest to fix your marriage, you may encounter resistance…from
your spouse!
Your spouse
may dwell on the 101 reasons why “this just won't work for us”
and blame you for every one. Or, your spouse may be emotionally
“checked-out” of the marriage and not care about your efforts
to improve the situation or be willing to extend any effort of
their own. In marriage counseling sessions there
is one question that inevitably comes up: “How do I get my spouse
to change?”
Why would
your spouse resist POSITIVE change in your marriage and what should
you do about it?
Before
attempting counseling with a spouse opposed to change there is
one thing that needs be to acknowledged. That is, your spouse
will decide to change when they’re ready to change and not one
second before. And the more you push them, urge them, nudge them,
ask them, scream at them, or beg them, the LESS LIKELY they are
to change. I know it’s hard to wait, but you have to let it come
from them.
It’s possible
someone could INSPIRE your spouse to change, but the person LEAST
LIKELY to be the inspiration is YOU. It’s sad but true. A complete
stranger is more likely to get through to your spouse than you
are. A chance experience or encounter is more likely to shake
up your spouse than anything YOU could do. So yes, counseling
and marriage advice can help, but only if your spouse has come
to it on their own terms.
Now you're
probably thinking, “Makes sense, but isn't there anything I can
do to encourage my spouse's choice?” YES, there is! One of the
counseling tips I provide in the Marriage Fitness program is:
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE. Begin this journey yourself and
let your spouse see how the choices YOU'RE making impact how YOU
feel about yourself and your marriage. Resist the urge to believe
that your marriage won’t change until your spouse “gets with the
program.”
You see,
the love YOU feel is much more a result of what YOU DO for your
marriage than what your spouse does for it. And when you fill
your marriage with loving actions, the feeling of love will follow.
Loving actions can be demonstrated in many ways, such as: 1) spending
sixty seconds really listening to your spouse, 2) giving the right
gift, or 3) expressing confidence in one of your spouse’s decisions.
Marriage
Fitness is a program that will show you how loving actions such
as these can TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE. And the best part is that
you only need one person to initiate the change.
Very often
one spouse will come to me for marriage coaching and ask if it
makes sense for them to be coached alone. The answer is yes! One
spouse can make more than a 50% difference in a marriage. And
that difference is often exactly what will get the other spouse
to open up to marriage counseling too.
“You can
lead me a mile, but you can’t push me an inch.”
So, bottom
line— It's YOU changing that has the greatest impact on YOUR EXPERIENCE
of your marriage, AND it's YOU changing that is the single most
important thing you can do to motivate your spouse to follow.
I
have much more FREE advice for you and a FREE marriage assessment.
No strings attached.
Sign-up
in the box to the right and I'll email you both. After the free
sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain further about
an alternative to marriage counseling.
.
I've been
where you're at and I have answers for you. I'll explain more
in a moment. Do the free sign-up and I'll see you on the next
web page.
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of
Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach
Marriage
Fitness with Mort Fertel
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