Hi. I'm Mort Fertel, creator of
Marriage Fitness, a system for marriage renewal.
I've been where you're at and I have answers for
you. Before I share with you some secrets to marriage success (below),
I want to offer you FREE help and a FREE marriage assessment. No
strings attached. All you have to do is sign-up in the box to the right
and I'll email you both.
After your free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain
further how I can help you fix your marriage.
Let me guess, you have found yourself in the
position of seeking out marriage help. I can start
you off with some great advice, but first let me share with you a quote
I came across today. You may find that it relates to your marital
situation.
"The
difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality,
but we must live with a character."
- Peter Devries.
The profundity of this statement can only be
appreciated if we understand what is meant by "character."
"Personality" is easy to understand. Your
"personality" is how people experience you. It's your public persona.
But what is "character?" What's your "character?"
What's your spouse's "character?" And why is "character" so crucial for
marital success?
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Let me say that again so you can read it slowly
and really digest it this time.
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met
each other's personalities. You showed your spouse (and you were shown
by your spouse) a public persona. I'm not saying you tricked each
other. It's not something you can help, it’s just your
personality…how you display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters
for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities give way to an
inner self that you can’t help but reveal eventually. And
there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. But someone is
watching. You're watching each other. And you meet for the first
time…again!
You don't meet the person who charmed each other's
friends, bought gifts for each other's parents, and always smiled from
ear to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your CHARACTERS. And it's a
first meeting…for both of you.
In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting
each other for the first time, but it's that you're meeting yourselves
for the first time. Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating anyone
the way they treat their spouse. Most people don't recognize their own
behavior. "I can’t seem to help it- I'm just not myself with
him/her." Well then who is that person? That’s
YOU…it’s your character. (And your spouse meets
their character.)
And this is why so many people fail at marriage
and an attempt at marriage renewal. It's not that they don't like their
spouse. It's that they don't like themselves. And while everyone else
in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality; their
spouse is a mirror reflecting their character. And most people don't
like what they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with someone
else than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with
themselves. (Did you get that?)
Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art
of Worldly Wisdom, as follows: “You are as much a real person
as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice
as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like
a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance
of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage.”
Marriage renewal
and individual character development go hand-in-hand.
This is the secret to Marriage Fitness. Marriage
Fitness will not only help you change your relationship, but
it does so in a way that helps you and your spouse feel better about
yourselves.
