Before
I share with you some secrets to marriage success (below), I want
to offer you some FREE help and a FREE marriage assessment. No
strings attached.
All you have to do is sign-up in the box to the right and I'll
email you both.
After your free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain
further how I can help you fix your marriage.
Now let's
move on.
W hen problems
arise in your marriage, it can be challenging to make things right.
You may
not even know how the problems came about or what to do about
them.
Most people
do their best to understand the issues causing conflict so they
can try to resolve them. But sometimes that's the problem. In
other words, the problem in many marraiges is that people are
focusing too much on their problems.
If you
want to resolve your marriage problems, here's
an alternative approach.
SET ASIDE
YOUR PROBLEMS and try to CONNECT with each other. That’s right,
stop dealing with your problems (as serious as may be), and start
establishing healthy habits that will bring a positive energy
to your marriage.
At first
this may sound counterproductive, but focusing on your marriage
problems just tends to breed more negativity. The trick
is to instead spend your time and energy building your relationship
through POSITIVE ACTIONS.
Here are
a few examples of positive actions that will begin to energize
your marriage: 1) Learn a new joke today and share it with your
spouse. 2) Ask how your spouse's day went… and really listen.
3) Kiss your spouse upon waking.
Actions
such as these (even if they are only done by one person) will
begin to minimize the negative feelings associated with your problems.
Here's
another tip. GET INVOLVED in one of your spouse's interests. Try
engaging your spouse in discussion about their interest. Ask questions.
Consider purchasing a thoughtful gift that relates to your spouse's
interest. In time, explore with your spouse how you can get more
involved. Be assertive, but make sure you involve yourself in
ways that are agreeable to your spouse. (You don’t want to be
causing more problems by including yourself in ways they don’t
appreciate!)
Getting
involved does not necessarily mean that you have to do the activity
together. It could mean that you watch the activity, plan for
it, pack for it, budget for it, buy supplies for it, or research
it in preparation for discussion. How you get involved depends
on you, your spouse, and the interest. There are endless possibilities.
The goal is to GET INVOLVED in some way so your spouse's interest
becomes part of your life too.
One of
the problems that people see with this marriage exercise is that
their spouse's interest doesn't interest them. (If it did, you
would probably already be involved!) But this is not an exercise
in choosing compatibility; it's an exercise in CHOOSING LOVE.
Your interest in your spouse's interest is irrelevant. It’s your
interest in your marriage that is key.
By now
you can probably see why problem-solving strategies can actually
be the cause of more relationship trouble. That’s because the
key lies NOT in fixing what’s wrong, but in making new things
right.
There's
more FREE advice for you and a FREE marriage assessment. No strings
attached.
Sign-up
in the box to the right and I'll email you both.
After the
free sign-up, you'll go to a web page that'll explain further
how I can help you fix your marriage.
I've been
where you're at and I have answers for you. I'll explain more
in a moment. Do the free sign-up and I'll see you on the next
web page.
Marriage
Fitness with Mort Fertel
As
seen in:
