Save My Marriage

My guess is that if you are reading this web page, at least one of several thoughts are running through your head: “How did it come to this? Our marriage was fine…” or, “The situation is desperate, I need advice”, or possibly even, “Our marriage is terrible…Save me from divorce!” However you ended up here, the voice rings loud and clear: “Help, I need to save my marriage!”

Now that you’ve come to this realization, what course of action will get your relationship back on track? Friends’ advice, counseling, new communication techniques, they can help, but if you are really serious about saving your marriage, you need a plan of action. “Fail to plan, plan to fail” is a common adage in the business world, and the same concept applies to relationship renewal. But before you begin this journey, read how one man found success within his own troubled marriage.

Mort Fertel, author of “Marriage Fitness”, shares his personal experience of rebuilding a broken relationship. His story begins as most marriages do:

“My wife and I started out deeply in love. I remember staying up all night talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being connected? That was us. But then something happened that destroys most marriages. We had a son who died when he was just one week old. And then we had twin daughters, who also died as newborns. In less than two years, we lost three children. Understandably, my wife became depressed. I coped by immersing myself in my work. We ran from each other emotionally.”

He and his wife committed themselves to fixing the relationship. They tried everything, including the obligatory: “Honey, let me repeat what you said to make sure I understood you correctly”. However, communication skills and conflict resolution did nothing, except for increase the amount of negativity in the relationship.

“If your timing is off,” Mort explains, “trying to solve problems with your spouse will damage your relationship and make it LESS LIKELY that you'll ever find resolution. Save yourself from relying on conflict-resolution or communication skills because these are NOT the key to renewing a marriage. The key is NOT to fix what’s wrong. The key is to make new things right.”

You see, Mort came to a crucial understanding during their marriage-rebuilding attempts. That is, certain actions have specific effects. Focus on your problems and you’ll have problems. Focus on creating love and you’ll feel love.

Mort realized that the key to renewing his marriage lay in the use of LOVING ACTIONS. This is how to recreate the connection that’s missing in your marriage! Just like how to you learned to save money and ride a bicycle, the use of loving actions is a skill you get better at with practice. It could be as simple as giving the right gift, involving yourself in your spouse’s interest, or listening intently to your spouse when they talk about their day. The action itself is not as important as the delivery; it must be an action given with LOVING INTENT.

It seems counterintuitive, but if you strengthen your relationship, most of your problems will dissipate and what remains of them can be more easily resolved in a safer, softer, and more forgiving marital environment. If you know and apply the laws of relationships, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.

Save the time and energy that’s wasted on your attempts to solve the problems. Before you deal with the issues you first have to BUILD GOOD WILL with each other. And when you do, you will discover that good will was your problem all along.

If you seriously want to save your marriage, my advice is to hang in there and don't give up. It's NEVER too late! Mort’s Marriage Fitness program teaches you how to use POSITIVE ACTIONS that will transform your marriage. We’ll end with some real food for thought: very often the turning point in a relationship is when a couple hits rock bottom. If you’re there, begin with an act of good will and start to turn things around!

You might find Mort's FREE report “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage" and the FREE marriage assessment he offers helpful. To have both emailed to you, just sign-up in the box to the right. It's free...no strings attached.

Then you'll go to a web page that'll tell you more about how to save your marriage.